East Meets West, West Meets Beast

Sunset over the city from my roof

I have really got into a routine now in Nepal. Every night at 6pm I go up onto the roof of the Compound and do ‘Pilates with Press-ups’ for 30 minutes, whilst listening to Spotify. This serves several purposes; firstly, the sight of Kathmandu twinkling in the sunset is breathtaking, secondly, I find it enormously therapeutic and thirdly, my next stop is Goa. Goa means the opportunity to wear one of my new (or should I say five new) bikinis. I do not want to spend all my time there trying to reposition a sarong to hide the Wobble, so press-ups and crunches it is. At this point I do have to say thank you to Nicky, my ever-patient Pilates teacher in East Grinstead who, in 3 years, has turned me from looking a Plank to doing the Plank, beautifully.

On Sunday evening I was working out as usual, when a very rotund Chinese inmate appeared, to hang out her washing. ‘Aaaw Yoga’ she said. I explained it wasn’t exactly Yoga, to which she replied ‘Yooo tich me?’ I forgot all about this oriental encounter until last night. At exactly 6pm Wang Fang waddled up onto the roof waving, and wearing a pair of leggings she had clearly borrowed from a Swedish Gap Year Girl. They were 10” too long and 10” too narrow. How she had managed to squeeze herself into them, and still walk, was a total mystery. She looked like an untied ring of black pudding. I was actually really irritated that she had interrupted my ‘Me Time,’ but graciously got her a mat and started off with a few gentle stretches. Some positions she did manage to hold, whilst muttering what sounded like ‘Eeyore’ under her breath. I was going to suggest press-ups, just for the sheer amusement factor, but fortunately the nicer side of my nature won. At one point I only asked her to get onto her hands and knees and she toppled over sideways and… bounced. Trying to get her back onto all fours was a challenge. I soon realized I was personally doing a full body work out, rather than a gentle core programme. The glute stretch was an equal flop, as she got stuck, whilst horizontal, with her elbow wedged behind her knee, and I had to prize her apart, like a pack of frozen pork sausages. After 15 minutes I said that the 30 minutes was up and thanked Wang Fang for coming. ‘Aaaw so good Jay!’ She exclaimed. ‘Same time to-mo-row?’ I know that the Chinese Market might be important to us after Brexit, but I am not going to help the cause. My Pilates session will be held at 5pm tonight.

As well as getting a structure to my days I feel that I have got a lot more independent and resourceful in my time here. This morning I went into the bathroom (I use that term loosely) and noticed a bloody great spider sitting on the bristles of my electric tooth brush. This beast was huge, and black and yellow. It looked like a bumble bee on steroids, with 8 bony legs, wearing a Wolverhampton Wanderers football strip. I cannot repeat the first word I uttered, but it did end in ‘ck’. If such a creature had appeared at home (which I know is unlikely) I would have screamed the place down, summoned Husband, or, failing that, called the Emergency Services. Here I was on my own. I knew it would take too long to run up 4 flights of stairs to the WiFi zone, to Google if this bugger was going to kill me, so I had to be brave…. I grabbed the tooth brush handle with a hand wrapped in a towel and flicked the angry arachnoid onto the floor, where I dispatched it to another life with a Fitflop. In order to dispose of the body I picked it up, with half a box of tissues, and lobbed the whole lot out of the window. I am quite sure that a poor street dog below was delighted when breakfast appeared from the heavens, complete with a white tissue parachute. I then replaced the head on my tooth brush, and lay on my bed for half an hour to recover, before heading off to school. This is probably the bravest thing I have ever done, so a round of applause, or at least a Facebook ‘Like’ would be appreciated…

Actually, make it a Gold Medal…

6 thoughts on “East Meets West, West Meets Beast

  1. Katie says:

    Gold medal and huge applause for above and beyond act of bravery! Great blog again, LOL, if you listen carefully, you may be able to hear me! Big hugs x


  2. Rose Green says:

    Hi Jane,
    Sounds like you are doing your bit for international relations, so definitely a gold star is awarded,
    and for dispatching the super spider xxx


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