No gain without pain Unhappy Birthday Last week I celebrated my 55th Birthday. I say ‘celebrated’ but ‘endured’ is a more accurate description of the event. I am now, with every passing day, moving nearer to 60 than 50. When I was in my 20’s I thought 30 was old, in my 40’s I thought 50 was old and now, in my 50s, I am trying to convince myself that 60 is NOT old. When my parents were in their 60s, I viewed them as well past their sell by date. My mother sported orthopaedic footwear and my father started to wear cardigans. I will not become them! I am going to age disgracefully. I will still have peroxide hair and wear skinny jeans when I am shuffling along with a Zimmer frame. Previous birthdays have been special family days with lots of cards and cake. This year I announced…
Ok so we really are getting into to the ‘New Normal’ now. The ‘Old Normal’ when people hugged and kissed each other, and held doors for each other, is long gone. We now live in a sterile anti-bacterial breathless society. Breathless because our faces are encased in masks, and breathless because you can’t actually breath for long with a face mask on.
Real Women don’t smell of Jo Malone anymore, they smell of hand sanitiser. ‘Fragrance De Sanitiser’ shows that you are an upright germ-free citizen. Likewise, avoiding as many people as you can on the street makes you a good person. This ‘New Normal’ is great for introverts and miserable Buggers, as it is now totally PC to cross the road to avoid human contact and walk with your head down.
Here we go…. Hairstyles For Middle Age Women Lockdown has shown us what is really important in life and the first thing most women have said to me during this time is ‘Just look at my roots!’ We can cope with Gel-free nails and furry legs but middle age women cannot cope without a decent hairstyle. I have spent a lot of time studying female newsreaders and presenters over the past few months, and there has either been a lot of illegal hairdressing going on, or they are all married to top hair stylists. Yesterday was the best day of 2020 so far, and let’s face it there haven’t been many reasons to celebrate this year. Yesterday was HAIRDRESSER DAY. I don’t normally get out of bed before 10.00am on a Sunday if I can help it but, the thought of getting my lockdown roots eradicated, meant I was up…
Blogs On Women I have thoroughly enjoyed writing my blogs on women, or should I say me, over the past few months. Nice to see I have a few readers, so I have decided to continue for a while! 2 Metre Rule Ok, so we are coming out of lockdown after 12 weeks of baking and gardening and we are all venturing out into the ‘New Normal.’ The problem is, I haven’t got the foggiest idea what that is. I did, but then Boris changed it. I have just about mastered the shaking hands with my elbows and waving like a toddler when I see my best mate, but it is all the other rules I am struggling with. The ‘2-metre rule’ is now a ‘2-metre or 1-metre plus rule’, when we can’t do a ‘2-metre rule.’ So, in a supermarket if someone is browsing the Pinot Grigio do I squeeze…
As a child I actually loathed cheese, of any description. When I was growing up, all those years ago, you came home, had your meat and two veg and a slice of apple pie, if you were lucky, and that was it. Food intolerances and allergies hadn’t been invented then.
One day at school I was given a particularly large slice of hideous soggy cheese pie, which I refused to eat. By the time lunch was technically over, I was a solitary child at the dining table, with the demonic headmistress glaring at me and repeatedly saying ‘Jayne, you will finish that, we don’t waste food here.’
Lockdown life has given me more than enough time to tackle the big issue in my life, namely why is my face getting so wrinkly? Ok, I am nearly 55, so I have to accept the odd crease, but having spent hours, and I mean hours, studying the complexions of every woman in her fifties who posts on Instagram, I have come to the conclusion my crevices are pretty deep.
It was not until last year that I actually realised that I had any wrinkles at all. My eyesight got so bad that I could not apply mascara without wearing my glasses. Having poked my eye out too many times with the mascara wand I decided to invest in a large magnifying mirror. Big mistake, in one quick glance I had aged 30 years. In fact, the sight was so depressing that I keep the mirror draped with a face cloth when I am not using it.
If Coronavirus had struck 30 years ago it would have found a very different world from the one today. I was in my mid 20s then, mobile phones were the size of bricks and computers were the size of packing cases. I remember getting my first mobile phone, a huge Motorola with a short rubber aerial, and I thought it was the coolest things since eyelash curlers. Admittedly it weighed about 2 kg, and needed its own backpack, but it was a MOBILE phone! I had a sales job, and I remember strutting around with my Filofax in one hand and giant Motorola in the other, wearing jackets with shoulder pads on steroids.