Midlife Crisis in lockdown

blogs for women Jayne
Handbags will still fit after lockdown

Blogs On Women

I have thoroughly enjoyed writing my blogs on women, or should I say me, over the past few months.  Nice to see I have a few readers, so I have decided to continue for a while!

2 Metre Rule

Ok, so we are coming out of lockdown after 12 weeks of baking and gardening and we are all venturing out into the ‘New Normal.’ The problem is, I haven’t got the foggiest idea what that is. I did, but then Boris changed it. 

I have just about mastered the shaking hands with my elbows and waving like a toddler when I see my best mate, but it is all the other rules I am struggling with. The ‘2-metre rule’ is now a ‘2-metre or 1-metre plus rule’, when we can’t do a ‘2-metre rule.’

So, in a supermarket if someone is browsing the Pinot Grigio do I squeeze past at 1.2 metres, or do I turn and approach the wine aisle from a different direction? Would I get verbal abuse from a 1.2 metre squeeze-by, or is that acceptable? 

It appears that some folks have already just given up with the whole shebang and gone back to ’30 cm everywhere’ whereas others are adopting a ‘3-metre plus’ rule. The thing is you don’t know who you are up against, meaning any trip beyond the front door is fraught with dilemmas on social etiquette.

Printing Money

If I was in any business at the moment, I would run a sticky label and poster factory.  Everywhere you go, floors are dotted with plastic footprints, like steppingstones. I bet these factories are delighted now the ‘1-metre plus’ rule is in. This means a whole re-print of millions of ‘2-metre’ posters of 2 stick men with a line between them. When this COVID nightmare is over will we see ‘Hugging Allowed’ posters everywhere?

Masking A Flush

Not only that, there is the whole face mask issue. I have worn one a few times for work, and they are so damn hot! You do not need a menopausal hot flush and a face mask at the same time, you will literally be dripping from your untouched grey roots downwards. Also, it is impossible to read people’s expressions in a face mask. Are they smiling at you because you held the door for them, or are they Bloody furious you touched the door handle in the first place? 

Face masks are not only stifling, but they are hideous. They really do put a downer on any outfit. I have looked, and neither Gucci nor Ralph Lauren haven’t started making them yet, shame. If this is going on for a while, should we try and match them to outfits? I will of course need a leopard print one first.

Bare Lips

The good thing is you don’t need lipstick with a face mask. I was looking at the lipsticks in the supermarket the other day and realised that the testers have been removed. Who is going to buy a lipstick without a quick squiggle on the back of the hand? We all know that what looks ‘Tantalising Terracotta’ can easily be ‘Pukey Peach’ on the flesh. I used to love decorating the back of my hand with Zebra lipstick tester stripes. I could always tell which the best quality one was. I still had a faint stripe of it 6 hours later, and after a shower.

Sad is the day when choosing facemasks has replaced choosing lipsticks. The thing with lipsticks, and handbags, is that they always fit. I guess facemasks do as well, but they don’t make a woman feel fab. 

 

 

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