Jayne Webb


Midlife Crisis Stages

Preparations for my Trip over the past few months have been extensive.  Firstly, I had to make the announcement to Husband.  Normally when I say ‘Darling’ in a semi sexy voice over supper, I am about to admit to yet buying another Ralph Lauren shirt, or some Take That tickets.  This time the ‘Darling’ was sexier than ever… Husband coped very well with the announcement that his wife of 23 years was buggering off to Asia for 3 months to find herself. He knew there were midlife crisis stages, but he just wasn’t sure which one I was in.

Cool Mum

I actually think he saw a green light for more tennis matches, meals out with the Boys and to get his motorbike licence.  Which led me to believe he, in his own way, is having a mini midlife crisis too.  My grown-up kids, to be honest, were shocked. 

Reliable Mum, always at the end of a WhatsApp message and ready with a roast dinner when required, was doing something so “un-Mum-like’ they could hardly believe it.  Eyes widened, mouths opened, then eventually came the words ‘Mum, that is so Cool!’  Rarely in all my years as a mother, have I done anything is my kids’ eyes which is ‘Cool’, so I am taking this one and I am taking it Big Time.  

Grey Hair

Worryingly my friends all asked the same two questions, and in the same order ‘What will you do with your hair?’ and ‘What does Husband think?’ I told them I was going to tie up the first and might well do the same to the second.  Why do my friends think my peroxide bob comes before Husband?  That is worrying.  I guess I can at least hide the fact that one is very grey.


I have also had to cope with a lot of pricks lately, and I don’t just mean the guy in the camping shop who tried to sell me a £350 sleeping bag.  No, I mean vaccinations!  I have actually had so many that if I keeled over in the high street and someone saw my arms, I would be carted off to the nearest rehab centre. 

Jayne Webb eating lunch smiling in one of the stages of a midlife crisis.

A nice lunch out before I go…

Barking Mad

I thought Japanese Encephalitis was something on the menu at YO! Sushi but, it is in fact, a rare, but often fatal brain disease, carried by mosquitos and it requires 2 bloody great needles full of serum to prevent it. I have also had 3 jabs for rabies and guess what?  It actually does not STOP me catching rabies!  It just means that when I fall to the ground, foaming at the mouth and barking with a limp tail I have more time to get to hospital.  Great….!

Who Is Having It?

Jayne Webb, middle aged, middle class, middle income, mid-range interior designer from the Midlands living in Surrey, UK.

I had always thought that the term ‘midlife crisis’ was a bit of a joke. An explanation for why 40-something men suddenly find their 25 stone receptionists extraordinarily attractive and whisk them off on shiny new Ducatis. And why women take up tennis to sleep with the 23 year – old tennis coach and dye their hair blonde. So, when It dawned on me that I was having my own ‘midlife crisis’ I faced two huge problems: 

  1. I don’t like tennis
  2. My hair is already so blonde I could be mistaken for a Marilyn Monroe look alike (sadly from behind only)

So, what could I do to quench this over whelming and all-encompassing feeling that I needed a change? I needed to change?

‘ME’ Time

I reached this crux in May and after weeks of trying to ignore my sense of unrest, I decided that perhaps I should embrace this stage in my life. I should stop putting my family and my career first and I should damn well do something for ME.

Not a face lift (although that was tempting), not a toy boy (although that was tempting), and not a personal trainer… I already have one. I just needed to find that ‘something’. 

Ok so I admit it, I am an internet addict. Hours of ‘research’ every week on various sites have led to me being on first name terms with the UPS, FedEx, Parcel Force, My Hermes and City Link couriers. Sadly, I also know most of their kids’ names as well.  

I have actually just received my 271st parcel from Amazon this year. That’s a lot of ink cartridges. But this time my research took me in a very different direction. No cardboard boxes, no Jiffy bags, and no ‘Sorry We Missed You’ cards. I planned a trip. The mother of all trips and, all on my own…

Off To Volunteer Overseas

Jayne Webb, middle aged, middle class, middle income, mid-range interior designer from the Midlands living in Surrey, UK is leaving the UK on 15th September 2019 to volunteer overseas. I will:

1) Teach young children in Kathmandu, Nepal how to speak English

2) Work in the slums in Goa

3) Travel to a remote island in the Maldives, 3 hours by speedboat from the capital Male, to work on turtle conservation

4) Work with a street dog rescue charity in Sri Lanka

She will be back in time for Christmas. 

Just to let you know, any ladies reading this who went the route of the 23 year-old tennis coach, and are bored with the amount of waxing this involves, there are places still available. 

Hello, I'm Jayne!

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