Jayne Webb

Hot Birds

April 15, 2020 4 Comments 3 Mins Read

I usually get excited about Easter. It is like a mini Christmas without the presents. It is a time when all of the Family get together under one roof for a few days, we tacitly agree not to wind each other up, and we enjoy nice food and good company. The problem is everyone is still here. Don’t get me wrong, I do dearly love my Family, but I do now realise why young men between the ages of 18-21 must go on to Further Education. Their mothers quite simply cannot tolerate them being at home for prolonged periods. It is seriously damaging to their health. The Son During the university holidays I put up with Son rising from bed at about the time we are having lunch, doing absolutely sod all all day, apart from hogging the TV remote then shooting little men on a screen all night. Unfortunately, I cannot tolerate it…

A Shaggy Dog Story

April 9, 2020 8 Comments 4 Mins Read

Lockdown Life Well, it is day 17 of Lockdown and I am pleased to confirm that all 5 adults currently living here are still well and have not sustained any injuries caused by me, or any other residing family members. I think we have all decided, independently, that the best way to get through this incarceration is to bite our lips when we get totally hacked off with each other, and to regularly socially isolate ourselves, whilst self-distancing. For me this means spring cleaning the loft or the shed… AGAIN. Husband has an excellent excuse; he still has a Proper Job and so he can retreat, justifiably, to his ‘office’ for 8 hours a day. 24-year-old daughter has changed beyond all recognition in the past 2 weeks. This London-loving party animal, who adores nothing more than a glass of Prosecco and a pair of high heels, has taken to doing jigsaw…

My Friend Joe…

April 2, 2020 4 Comments 3 Mins Read

Online Shopaholic One of my favourite pastimes is, and always has been, online shopping. In fact, I can’t remember the last time I ventured into a clothes shop. Why drive to a shopping centre, pay for parking, and spend hours trundling around the fashion department of John Lewis when it is all there online in the comfort of your own home? I can scan the entire fashion offering of John Lewis in 30 minutes. Whereas it would take me a good few hours on the shop floor. I also have a phobia of changing rooms. There is just too much faff. Changing Rooms You have 27 items over your arm, and you are told that you can only take 5 in at a time. This means that after every 5 failed frock tries you have to wrap yourself, in your undies, in the changing room curtain whilst shouting ‘Please can I…

Busy Doing Nothing

March 27, 2020 6 Comments 2 Mins Read

Corona TV and Me Keeping Fit Over 50 Ok, so it’s Day 4 of Lockdown and things are going quite well. I have got into a good routine; I lie in bed checking Insta and Facebook until 9.30am, and then I get up and watch ‘Corona TV’ and do housework until 4pm, in my pyjamas. At 4pm I have a shower and put on clean pyjamas. I do realise the importance of trying to keep fit over 50. So on a ‘Fitness Day’ I put on leggings, and plod around the village for 30 minutes at some point, before the shower and clean Pjs. I could call these ‘leisurewear’ but no, mine are quite definitely ill-fitting floral jersey Pjs. The great thing about this dress code is that I am not generating any ironing at all. The Rota I have made an Excel spread sheet, which is a total work…

A Fit Farewell

March 23, 2020 4 Comments 3 Mins Read

Gym Free Days Well, it has finally happened… The one measure I was dreading. Boris shut my gym down on Friday. Don’t get me wrong, I actually HATE the gym, but I do have a rather handsome personal trainer… A year ago, I realised that gravity and age were taking a noticeable toll on my torso and so I decided to join a gym. I suddenly concluded that ‘fitness over 50’ was pretty important. I must point out that up until this point I had NEVER set foot in such an establishment. Merely the thought of going made me break out into a post-exercise style sweat. I decided that the only way I was going to stick to regular attendance was to find a handsome, young, male trainer. I therefore diligently ‘researched’ every gym in the area. Whilst various sales staff were pointing out the jet powered hair dryers in…

The ‘C’ Word

March 20, 2020 14 Comments 2 Mins Read

The Midlife Crisis Blog Is Back! When I was travelling around Asia last year, I wrote my blog to amuse myself whilst living in some very remote locations. If people read it that was lovely, but that wasn’t my main motivation for writing. I am now writing my blog whilst living in a, soon to be, very remote location called ‘Home’ in a Surrey village. If people read it that is lovely, but that isn’t my main motivation for writing, my sanity is. Only a few weeks ago I was merely aware of something called the Coronavirus which originated from bats sold in a market in a far-off city in China beginning with ‘W’. Now the ‘C’ Word is on my doorstep and I am frantically trying to keep it out. Do follow me over the next few weeks as I try to put a vaguely humorous and somewhat irreverent slant on life as…

Goodbye And Thank You

December 15, 2019 14 Comments 3 Mins Read

The Solo Female Traveller Returns So here I am sitting at my desk, and safely back Lingfield. It is so cold in this country! I have had to ramp the central heating up to 32 degrees, and even so, I have 3 jumpers and 2 pairs of socks on. Hippie Homecoming My adventure has come to an end, but it was so wonderful to be reunited with my temporarily orphaned kids and the hugely supportive Husband at Gatwick last night. What a wonderful homecoming I had, complete with my perfect meal of lasagne and cheesecake. There have, however, been a few negative comments about my appearance. Apparently the wrist full of friendship bracelets, which I have collected along the way, and my long scruffy hair make me look like an ageing hippie. The second ear piercing has also gone down badly, but I did point out that it could have…